


Trauma (Rewrite)

by Anonymous



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Abuse, Bonding, Confusing Emotions, Emotional Baggage, Flashbacks, Forced Relationship, Gen, Jealousy, Minor Violence, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape Recovery, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Dependency, Unhealthy Relationships, Updates Every Saturday, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:33:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21906034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “I’m the only one who loves you, Patricia. Think anyone else will ever want you like I do?” He reached a hand up and gently cupped her face, her red, scaly skin making him shudder noticeably. She hated his cold hands against her face; she’d much rather prefer the warm, loving touch of someone she wasn’t terrified of rather than… this guy. “You look amazing. I just want you to prove your love to me, Patty.” Why did those words make her so uncomfortable?***Python has been through hell yet somehow makes it through. While they have their moments, everyone does so they should be fine! Right? Right???Nightmares plague the quiet hermit and start to affect how they react to every situation, small or big. With the others growing worried, Python must either learn how to face the trauma they experienced or bottle it all back up again. It takes a new level of willpower- no matter how unhealthy- to do what Python wants to.Note: This story was rewritten to more accurately reflect how I faced the trauma I've experienced. It WILL contain many dark themes. This is an experiential piece for me to be able to cope with my own recovery better. Trigger warnings will be placed at the start of every chapter.
Relationships: Mumbo/Grian/Iskall, Tango/Impulse/Zedaph
Comments: 47
Kudos: 49
Collections: anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tw: Rape/blackmailed into sex, self hate, panic attacks, misgendering, dead naming

“I’m not sure I want to do this…” She whimpered, shuffled in place, and backed away slightly from the man she called her boyfriend, bile rising in her throat and making her want to vomit; her dark eyes fought tears of guilt and fear with her lip quivering in an effort not to cry. She hated being like this.

“I’m the only one who loves you, Patricia. Think anyone else will ever want you like I do?” He reached a hand up and gently cupped her face, her red, scaly skin making him shudder noticeably. She hated his cold hands against her face; she’d much rather prefer the warm, loving touch of someone she wasn’t terrified of rather than… this guy. “You look amazing. I just want you to prove your love to me, Patty.” Why did those words make her so uncomfortable?

Patricia adjusted her red hair and stared up at her boyfriend. He was so much taller than her. Then again, being human did that to you sometimes. They were weird in both personality and anatomy. At least lizard humanoids like her didn’t come so diverse; they could asexually reproduce so sometimes it meant nothing if they weren’t that diverse- they’d just create a clone of themselves to carry on their genetics. “…You think… no one will ever love me?”

“Not like I do. You’re… strange. Always obsessed with games and nature. Hell, you’re the weird bug girl here. But, I’m the only one who likes that. I’m the only one who can love that.” He kissed her cheek and set his forehead against hers, making her squirm away slightly; he only gripped her and pulled her close. His grip made her wrist ache. He was far stronger than her and often used that to his advantage. “Just prove your love, sweetie.”

“…Okay. I-I… I can.” She let him lead her to the bedroom, any attempts to jerk away only met with a tighter grip that would surely leave purple bruises in the morning. She was locked into her decision. She was going to have to do this, huh? “…Be careful… I’m… I really don’t want to do this but…” She gulped and whimpered softly, soft squeaks of distress coming from her instinctively.

“Oh, hush. You’ll enjoy it when I get started.” He undressed and motioned for her to do the same; she obeyed with minimal sounds of protest. “Besides. You know what’ll happen when you fight me, sweetie.” He gripped her arm tight enough for her to yelp and jerk. “I’m stronger than you.”

It’d be useless to fight. She would only get hurt and he’d hate her. She couldn’t lose the one man who loved her! She couldn’t lose him because she’d be nothing without him; she’d be back to being the weird bug girl in school. She was entirely dependent of him.

* * *

Python let out a soft sigh as they sat up in bed, feeling their chest area. No breasts. No ugly, ugly lumps of tissue that signified their birth gender. They had transitioned so… They should be fine. Still, what did that nightmare even mean? They hadn’t gone by Patty in at least 6 years. God, that had been so long ago.

They shuddered and shook off the nightmare, swinging their legs over the bed and standing up. They had to get ready for the day. It was early and they had a lot to do. Well, more like a lot planned. They didn’t mind if all of it didn’t get done.

Python slipped out of their night clothes- a long sleeved blue shirt and some pants with polar bears on them- and put on their suit, taking their time to eye the scars on their arms and legs. Some of them were so old they couldn’t remember why they harmed then- what they had been trying to numb at that moment. Some of them were… fresher. Some of them were because of the nightmares of being blackmailed into… Well, Python knew exactly why they had the nightmares. And, despite feigning innocence, they knew what they meant.

They had been used. Their boyfriend had used them and made them feel… horrible; that wasn’t the exact word. More like they felt sickened, shameful, dirty, slutty, and nauseous just even having a slither of a thought about it. But, it was over and they were safe. Why were they having nightmares now? After so many years, why were they having nightmares now? They shook it off and finished getting dressed, grabbing their inventory bag and making their way outside.

It was a nice day and it also happened to only be the third day of Season 7 but that meant so much more to do! For now, off to the old grind. They needed some diamonds, iron, and coal, though that could come later; they had a mine set up and all they needed to do was branch mine. New shops had already popped up and they had some diamonds from their last mining session on them to buy new items with!

They approached a shop that looked… well, to put it simply, a giant beehive. Bees flew in and out of various hives and between flower patches, all encased in yellow stained glass with yellow terracotta, yellow concrete, and honey blocks inside to create the shape and color. Python smiled and read the sign next to the shop. “Xisuma’s Beehive of Wonders. Grand opening sale! Everything is half off!”

“Great! Less diamonds I have to spend!” Python went inside, smiling at some of the bees flying amongst the maze of glass cages. “That’s adorable. I have to talk to Xisuma later and tell him that I love his shop!” The cute bees and the genius design of the shop only made Python’s mood perk right back on up. What had they even been upset about earlier? Hell as if they knew now.

“Talking to yourself again, kid?” Python turned around suddenly and spotted a rare face- TFC. He was less scruffy looking than usual, as if he had touched himself up a bit for the beginning of Season 7. “Hey, as long as you don’t answer yourself, you’re good.” He chuckled and walked to a chest labeled “Natural Hives,” opening it to observe the stock.

Python walked up beside him with a soft smile, humming a tune they had learned as a lullaby from their mother long ago; it always comforted them and put them at ease. “I assure you that I have yet to answer myself. I’ll make sure to tell you I’ve gone crazy when I start to.” They laughed and looked into the same chest. “10 diamonds? I guess, with the sale, it’s 5 diamonds. That’s a good price, especially considering these are a bit harder to find.” They paused. “Speaking of hard to find, what are you doing out here?”

“I’m trying to build an above ground base near others. I want some bees to help me get out and about more. Got to feed them flowers, y’know?” He smiled and bought one of the hives, slipping it into his inventory bag. Python smiled as TFC did so, glad to see a friend gaining some profits and another trying to move past their old, possibly toxic habits.

“It’s great that you’re trying! That’s the first step to bettering yourself!” They pat TFC on the back and bought themselves a hive, then some artificial ones too. “I might buy old Xisumavoid out of his entire stock! I love the bees, man! They’re just so cute! Well, until they try to sting you!” They laughed, though one might call it a cackle.

“You know, you’re a bit strange, but I like that.” TFC chuckled. Python only blinked and gave a forced smile; they hadn’t had anyone say that to them since… God, what had even been his name? It was something stupid but it was so deeply buried in Python’s memory that they could never grab it- not that they wanted to. That phrase just took them back to when they had first met that horrible man so long ago.

“…I need to go.” Python turned heel and all but ran out of the shop, trying to shake off the feeling that the walls had been closing in on them. They were aware of TFC calling after them to see if they were okay but they just opted to ignore him; he didn’t need to worry over Python. “You’ll be fine. It’ll be fine…” They kept muttering to themselves over and over again, praying that simply saying it and even repeating it countless times would make it true. Somehow, they knew that they were wrong in that very fact.

It wasn’t fine. They could often pretend to be fine. Fake it until they made it. But they never made it; hell, they weren’t even close. All they did was bottle it up and pray that they’d be able to handle it. They stopped and leaned against a tree, suddenly aware of the tears blurring their vision. When did they start crying? What a damn mess they were, crying in the woods after running from someone who might have been able to help them.

They’d be fine. They rubbed their face and cleaned it up using some tissues they carried for moments like these then put on a smile; it’d be fine. With a brand new yet highly forced pep in their step, they went back towards their base to mine. No need in worrying over the past. It was, after all, in the past.

As they walked, they remained unaware of someone watching them. “Maybe I should get Xisuma?” The figure muttered to themselves, silently following Python as the hermit hummed happily. “Python, what are you hiding? Why are you hurting?” They turned away from following Python when the lizard went into their base. The figure took out their communicator and sent a private message to Xisuma.

They needed advice on what to do with whatever had happened with Python. While they normally weren’t one to spy, they weren’t one to allow a friend to hurt when they could help. They needed to get Python to face their trauma. They just hoped it didn’t end badly.

* * *

The mines weren’t the best idea at first, if Python was entirely honest. It felt too cramped in the long hallways and they kept expecting to come across someone every time they rounded a corner, though they knew it was illogical thinking on their part. Why were they so scared of a simple branch mine setup? They were fine. It was done and over with so they shouldn’t be affected by it.

To get their mind off their nightmare and borderline panic attack earlier, they opted to strip mine a large 40 by 40 area, pocketing any and all ores and carefully keeping count of them plus the many slimes that spawned in one chunk; they had opted to attack them until they became tiny slimes and just jumped around without causing harm. They were cute like that.

Now done with their chore of mining, they sat to watch the many tiny slimes try to attack them; it tickled to have them jump against them and made Python laugh softly. This was what they wanted. This is the life they strived for since running away from home.

Their parents were… never accepting of Patricia becoming Python. Said it was because they regret “having sex” with their boyfriend and needed an excuse to shy away from their problems. Python didn’t want to even call it sex. It wasn’t anywhere near that; it had been an extremely ugly, near forced, heavily manipulated, sickening situation that caused both physical and emotional pain.

Did the trauma affect how they viewed themselves? Yes, very much so; even years later it did. Hell, about a year after everything, they came out as agender due to feeling very different from the other girls and even guys their entire lives; no gender fit them and, when they hear of agender, it felt like they had been given the key to who they had been all along. But, it had been bad timing to come out. The trauma of what happened made them confess to what their “loving boyfriend” did only a month later and that turned their parents on them. It took years for Python to finally gather the guts to leave the toxic household and eventually wander their way into being invited by Xisuma to his world.

They pet one of the slimes and decided to dig in their inventory bag. A name tag with _Spots_ written on it. They were going to use it on a dog but maybe a slime would make a better pet? Definitely unconventional, that much was for sure. They carefully put the name tag on one of the slimes and watched the tag appear above it, glowing with its new name. “You’re my mining pet now!” Python smiled and pat their new pet with a grin.

But didn’t a pet need a home? They let out a soft _hmm_ before taking some wooden planks from their inventory and crafting a few fences then a fence gate fairly quickly; it was luck on their part that they had mostly spruce wood so it’d look consistent. It took far less time to set it up than it did to craft it and they lead Spots to its new home, a few other of the slimes following. “There we go!” With a smile, they left to go up from their mine and into their base.

They had to make today a good day. Like hell they were going to let one measly panic attack ruin them for the entire day! Determined to keep their good mood- even if it was sort of forced- they ran upstairs and burst out of their house with a newfound energy. It was, again, forced, but they’d just fake it until it became real! Thinking quickly, Python took out their communicator and messaged an old friend who had bunked with them last season despite knowing Python was weird about others and stayed inside a lot.

 **> PythonGB: **Zedaph!

 **> ZedaphPlays: **Python!

 **> ZedaphPlays: **Hi!

 **> PythonGB: **I’m super energized and I was thinking we could collab on something! It’d be fun to do so with my old roomie!

 **> ZedaphPlays: **Sure! Meet me up at spawn!

Python cheered and stuffed all of their ores into a chest, promising themselves to organize it later. Or maybe they’d have Tango or Mumbo help them set up an automatic system later? It didn’t matter now. They were going to shake off the depression that had been gnawing at the back of their mind all day and hang out with a good friend! They ran off towards spawn.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend who has been proofreading has pointed out some things and I want to clarify. This reflects how _I_ reacted to trauma. So, Python will be somewhat out of character and even aggressive at times. You may not root for them all the time and that's fine. They're meant to reflect what _I've_ been through. I'm trying my best to keep this story as close to Python and as close to my trauma as I can, but it cannot do both easily. Please be understanding.
> 
> Now, Trigger Warnings.  
> TW: Physically threatening someone, paranoia, self hate, mentions of rape/non-con  
> Tell me if I missed any

The sun was almost completely below the horizon by the time Python and Zedaph were done with their very impromptu project. They had decided to build a spawn shelter type of place for those who lost their spawn point- either via forgetting to set one after destroying a bed or their bed being blown to bits by creeper/lose TNT duping machine. Of course, they asked Xisuma before doing anything to the area that was spawn. He had actually liked the idea, saying it was a kind thing to do for the hermits; he encouraged it.

“I really like the cozy little home we set up!” It was a rustic house- which made Grian shudder for some reason when he came to check it out- but it contained the basic essentials such as food and cheap materials and it even an enchanting set up for easy replacement of lost items. Python smiled and went inside, Zedaph following. “Zedaph, this was a fun project!”

“I had fun with you too!” Zedaph put some of the extra food in his inventory into a chest labeled by a sign with a soft smile. “We should try this again sometime soon!” As much as Python wanted to agree, they were tired. They hadn’t completed everything on their list for today and, while they told themselves that they weren’t going to be upset if they didn’t, they honestly were. They had wanted to be more productive rather than trying to combat depression.

“I think it’s about time for me to go home, y’know? Been a long day.” Bit of an understatement but Python didn’t care at the moment. They hugged Zedaph, the sheep man _baa_ ing softly in delight. Okay, that was cute; it perked Python’s mood up a bit. Honestly, it was just enough for them to have the energy to get home without wanting to stop and sleep every 5 minutes.

“Alright. See you tomorrow?” Zedaph bobbed his short tail and let go of Python, both starting to part ways as they exit the house they had built. Zedaph was nice. Very, very kind and understanding. A good friend, overall. Python gently reached out and grabbed his hand, gripping it a bit tighter than they wanted. “Py? What’s wrong?”

“…Can we talk in private? Just, real quick.” God, were they really about to do this? What if Zedaph treated them differently? Saw them as what they had once been? Walked on eggshells around them from then on? Either way, Zedaph nodded and both went inside once more. “Thank you, Zed.”

“What’d you want to talk about, Py?” Zedaph sat down on one of the chairs- really a step with a trap door for the back- and smiled softly. He motioned for Python to sit across from him; they did so, trying their best to sit up straight and be confident.

“Just… Can you keep a secret?” Bile rose in their throat but they forced it back down. They coughed a little into their hand and shuddered. Were they really going to really do this? “You have to promise not to tell a single soul, okay?”

“Well, su-“

“You have to promise. Say you promise,” Python interrupted, cringing inwardly at doing so.

“I… Well, I uh… Promise.” Worry filled Zedaph’s green eyes as he adjusted himself in his seat, ears dropping slightly yet twitching as if they were ready to be raised up in a startled fashion.

“Good. Well, before I became Python, something… bad happened to me. Very, very bad. I was… with my then boyfriend but… he manipulated me into it.” They began to shake and teared up; they had to be strong during this or else Zedaph would see how weak they were. “He… He stole my virginity and threatened to hurt me if I didn’t let him do what he wanted.” God, were they crying? What a fucking mess they were- crying in front of a friend and borderline breaking down.

“…I’m… I’m so sorry to hear that. Why are you telling me, of all people, this?” Zedaph hesitantly reached out but clearly decided against it and jerked away.

“I trust you. You don’t have a bad bone in your body, Zedaph.” Python wiped their face free of tears and some snot. “It’s been years and… I just wanted to get that off my chest. It’s fine. It’s over now.”

“…you were crying just now. Are you sure you’re fi-“

“I’m _fucking_ fine.” Python covered their own mouth and gasped softly. They rarely swore, let alone used the f-word! Regret filled their chest and made them cough at the ugly bile. “I’m… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t burden you with this.” They got up and ran from the house, leaving Zedaph behind; the other was silent as they left quickly.

Zedaph must hate them. He must hate them for giving such horrible knowledge to him. Being such a damned burden. Python coughed and tripped, falling against the path running through the forest near their home. Their lungs ached and their body hurt like hell; it made them shake and whimper loudly.

“Why do you fuck up so much, Python? Why do you ruin friendships?” They muttered to themselves; they sobbed softly and forced themselves up, dusting off their suit and heading back home. They weren’t in an hurry, however, and took time to watch the nature around them to collect themselves. Once more, they were unaware of someone watching them silently.

* * *

Had they been completely unreasonable? Maybe the trauma they had went through hadn’t been that bad- not even trauma, maybe. After all, Zedaph surely didn’t seem too upset by the knowledge they had shared. They sighed and curled up on their bed, closing their eyes. Yeah, they were just too emotional. It was fine.

They yawned loudly and curled up even more into a ball, arms wrapped around their knees. It was tiring trying to fight a battle you shouldn’t even be battling; a battle that was over something stupid. They pulled their blanket over themselves and drifted off to sleep.

They woke up when it was dark out. Someone was outside of their house and trying to get in. “ _Hrnmm_ …? Hello?” They got up and sleepily walked to the door, opening it quickly. Xisuma froze, shock evident on his face through his helmet’s visor. “Xisumavoid? What are you doing here?”

“Two members have told me that they were worried about you. I came to do a welfare check. I am, after all, the admin and it’s my job to make sure everyone is healthy and fine.” He nodded and Python could see the soft smile in his eyes. “May I come in?”

Python yawned loudly and groggily nodded, adjusting their nightclothes to hide their scars better and letting Xisuma inside their home. “It’s pretty late, Xisuma.” They made their way past their bed quickly and sat on their staircase. “Who’s worried over little old me? I’m fine, you know.”

“…You’re… not. Python, I’ve been silent and I _shouldn’t_ have been. I figured you wanted to battle your demons on your own and you’d get help when you needed it. But, from what I’ve heard, it’s only made the situation worse.” Xisuma sat beside Python, making them scoot away and hiss softly under their breath before covering their mouth. Why was hissing such an involuntary action? It was something they’d always hate.

“Sorry. I just… don’t want someone too close to me right now.” They looked away and thought back to who could possibly have told Xisuma about their ‘worrisome’ behavior. The first one that came to mind was Zedaph. He promised not to tell… Could he have…? “Who told you?”

“I… I’d rather keep them anonymous. They requested so.” Xisuma adjusted himself, obviously trying his best to keep eye contact with Python anytime the lizard looked towards him. “Besides, it was two members, not one.”

“Who. Told. You.” Python grit their teeth together. Anger filled their head and threatened to turn their vision red, chest and face burning hot in their rage. Zedaph betrayed them! He _fucking_ promised and he went right to Xisuma! **Dammit**! Now everyone was going to treat Python differently and see them for the slut they had been! The mistake they had made that shouldn’t even fucking affect them now! They stood up and grabbed their inventory bag. “Either you tell me who told you and exactly what they said or I’m leaving!”

“Python! Think logically, okay?” Xisuma sighed and adjusted himself, getting ready to stand. “I don’t know anything other than you’ve been struggling with… something and you’re not handling it well! We don’t want you to leave. We’re just worried.” He stood up and held a hand out with a soft smile in his eyes. “Please. Can I help you?”

“There’s nothing to help! I made a damn _mistake_ when I was younger and it’s stupid that it’s still messing me up!” They hissed loudly and grabbed some basic items despite Xisuma begging for them to stop and think things over. For once, they let their anger keep them going. The ugly, burning feeling only fueled them to rush from their home, yelling _something_ at Xisuma- they were too angry to actually even understand what was going on- and watching the hurt in his eyes.

They slammed the door behind them, walking into the night in only pajamas and with the most basic of things. They had to confront Zedaph. They had to question him why the _fuck_ he told Xisuma. Why the _hell_ he betrayed Python and thought they needed help when they were perfectly fine!

They ignored the various mobs around them. Well, they tried to. Fear made their stomach churn when they began to have to run from skeletons and creepers, cursing themselves for forgetting their sword and shield. They were soon cornered against a cliff and turned to see a creeper stalking closer to them. “Aw, dammiiiIIIIIIITTTTTT!”

They were jerked up by someone and out of the way of the creeper to safety. “What were you thinking?” They turned to their savior and blinked in shock, their racing mind attempting to comprehend who the hell had just rescued them from certain doom. “Are you okay? You don’t have any weapons or even a shield! You could have gotten hurt!”

Okay, that was Iskall. Why was he out here? “Y-yeah.” They swallowed hard and jumped when a skeleton shot near them, clinging to Iskall tightly in their mentally vulnerable state.

“Okay. We’re going somewhere safe.” Iskall picked the suddenly very weak Python up and carried them towards a base built into a mountain with them clinging to him like their life depended upon it. “My base is better than out here, that much is for damn sure.” Python, a little peeved at being carried like a damn toddler, stifled their protests. They were too tired for it, if they were entirely honest with themselves.

“Lucky for you, we have a houseguest to keep us company!” He set Python down and supported them as he opened the door to his medieval style house, TFC looking up from a table with a warm cup of tea in hand. “Python had a small accident on their way somewhere. They’ll be chilling here until they can collect themselves.” TFC mutely nodded and sipped his tea.

“Uhm… W-what are you doing here, TFC?” They backed behind Iskall a little and avoided TFC’s white, glowing gaze. It always made them feel uncomfortable when they looked him directly in the eyes; that man held some secrets that no one knew and would ever know.

“I could ask you the same thing, Python. It’s late.” TFC’s voice was eerily calm and cool, as if he knew something Python didn’t. Or maybe he knew why Python was out here? Did he figure out Python’s secret? “I assumed you’d be asleep. You’ve never liked the night, if I remember correctly.”

“I… I got restless and needed some air.” Python gulped and prayed TFC wouldn’t know they were lying. “I was… actually going to find Zedaph to hang out. I just… didn’t think my way through when I went out for air.” They sat down on Iskall’s bed and yawned, rubbing their eyes tiredly. “So, going to answer my question?”

“I’ve been trying to get out more. Kill some of my toxic habits. Iskall so kindly let me stay the night to test my limits mentally.” He smiled and leaned back slightly. “Perhaps you should try it?”

“N-no. I mean… I have so much more to do. I probably could be mining now! I could be tending to my farm animals or my crops! Having a farm house type of build keeps you busy!” They awkwardly chuckled and shuffled in place. “…Maybe I should go-“

“Nope!” Iskall set a hand on Python’s shoulder. “Not until it’s day! You have no protection and no weapon. I’ll be damned if I let you go out there like that!” He smiled and picked his blanket up, wrapping it around them. “Now, you must be exhausted after running from mobs in your pjs. Sleep.”

“I’m not tiiiireee-“ They yawned loudly- thus stopping their train of thought- and became aware of both Iskall and TFC chuckling lightheartedly. “Alright, alright. I’ll sleep. But wake me up early, okay? I have stuff I need to do.”

“Can do!” Iskall tucked Python in and motioned for TFC to go elsewhere in the house, shutting off the light. “Good night, Python. Rest well.”

They yawned again. “Good night.”

* * *

Python was prepared for nightmares that night, in all brutal honestly. They had been prepared to wake up in a cold sweat and borderline crying or breaking down only for their friends to rush in and try to see what was wrong with them. But… They slept perfectly fine. It was very strange for them, really. It had become an unofficial rite of passage for Python to have a nightmare in a new place. And wake up in a panic attack. Their dreams had actually been quite pleasant, though they couldn’t remember them fully, and they slept through the night, although they still woke up a little sweaty. Part of them questioned why but they shook it off, turning the light on- the sun had yet to rise fully- and observing Iskall’s place. God, people worked fast.

Iskall already had most of his house filled with stuff he needed plus some décor. It had been a change in the Swedish man’s style for him to build in a medieval way but Python liked it quite a bit. Better than their farm house type of build, that much was for sure. They stood up and stretched with a yawn, feeling their back pop in a good way and releasing any tension they had prior.

“Good morning. I was just about to come wake you.” Python turned to see TFC standing in the doorway and leaning against the door frame. “Iskall fell asleep half way through the night but… I’m not really one to sleep much so I figured I would be the one to get you up for the day.”

“Thank you, TFC.” Python grabbed their inventory bag- they had set it beside the bed last night- and put it on. “I might as well get going. The undead mobs will burn up soon. I… still want to talk to Zedaph about something, y’know?” They chuckled in some hope to ease TFC and get him to stop giving him such… an eerie look.

“Just take your time and think about what you’ll say, Python. Your friends care about you and _will_ keep their promises, even if you think otherwise.” Python couldn’t help but to shudder at that. TFC definitely knew something about Python and what occurred recently. “Chose your actions and words carefully.”

“…I will.” They rushed out quickly, feeling TFC’s icy stare boring into their back as they turned to head towards Zedaph’s base. They still wanted to confront him, though doubt gnawed at the back of their mind like a parasite eating away at any and all happiness. Zedaph was their friend and he surely wouldn’t tell Python’s secret to Xisuma, right? They shook off those thoughts and hurried on their way, letting some form of half burnt out anger take its unjust place in their mind.

The trip was longer than usual. Maybe because they kept stopping to try to hold onto the anger? Or maybe it was because they were still tired? They were still beyond exhausted- that honestly wasn’t even the word- and wished they had slept more. But, they had a mission.

“Zedaph!” Python called out as soon as they reached about 20 feet from the half built, brick made, cylinder home with a spiral birch staircase winding around it that the hermit resided in. The soft hermit came from the top of the work in progress and climbed down the stairs, making soft sheep sounds as he reached the bottom.

“Hey, Python!” He smiled at the other before that turned to a frown upon seeing Python’s tired and half angry expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Did you tell?” They hissed out, wanting nothing more to try to hold onto the anger they felt was just. “Did you _fucking_ tell Xisuma?” They realized how labored their breath was in their rage but chose to ignore it, stepping closer to Zedaph. “He told me someone told him they were worried. I told you not to tell!”

“I didn’t! I just told him that I was worried because it seemed like you weren’t coping well!” Zedaph whimpered and backed away from the other, who was only slightly taller than him. Python fought the guilt that the sorrowful sound brought forth from deep in their mind; they had every right to be pissed! To want to be angry and full of rage! “Python, I promised that I wouldn’t tell!”

“And you _lied_ , didn’t you?!” They felt hot tears run their face, only fueling their rage further. “I’m coping just fine! Nothing happened to even be upset about!” They found themselves laughing- though at exactly what was their best guess. “I shouldn’t be affected! I… “ They felt Zedaph place a hand on their shoulder; they looked to him.

Python expected hatred and disgust on their friend’s face. They expected the other to never want to see them again. Instead, they found softness. “Python… It’s okay.” Python took a step back but heir friend only smiled softly, letting go of them. “You’re not alone in this. If you need me, I’m always here. You just have to message me and we’ll go somewhere private.”

Something inside of Python… shifted. They weren’t sure if that was the right word but something _did_ change within them. They felt at ease and they also felt that, maybe one day, they’d be able to unload their problems onto Zedaph and have him help them. “…You swear upon your life?”

“I swear upon my very soul, Python.” How little Zedpah knew exactly how much those words impacted Python in their already unstable state.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, by the way, I have no beta reader thanks to this being anonymous. Also, this updates every Saturday. Gives me time to writ and make things as perfect as I can. Of course, there are some flaws here and there and that's fine. I'm happy with this story and how it's turning out.  
> Another thing, this story will start getting darker and darker. Like I said, it reflects my own journey with how I handled emerging trauma and, while I really do regret some of the horrible things I did to my friends during that time, I will share it with you in story form. I feel like someone should know that even seemingly good people can do horrible things when they finally break.

“I promised you I’d never tell anyone, and I keep my promises, Python.” Zedaph hummed as he braided Python’s red hair; they had yet to cut it for the season so it was a little longer than they usually were comfortable with, though they felt a bit more confident this time around. Zedaph, being the kind soul he was, had offered to style it to see if it’d calm Python. It did.

“Sorry for jumping to conclusions. That’s not like me and…” They sighed when Zedaph only pat them gently with a soft chuckle.

“You’re dealing with your own demons and that’s fine. Just know that you’re safe here.” Zedaph smiled softly at them and hummed again, clearly making up a happy yet calming tune as he went along.

“It’s not fine! I was acting like…. Like… _him_ … and... It was wrong! I don’t want to be abusive, Zedaph!” Tears filled their eyes and blurred their vision as they gripped their arms tightly, claws threatening to pierce through the fabric of their suit and into their skin. Zedaph only leaned down and rested his head on Python’s shoulder.

“You’re not abusive. I doubt you will be. You’re a very kind and sweet person, Py, and nothing could change my opinion of you.” Python smiled, now at ease; their grip loosened on themselves.

“…Thank you.” They gently pushed Zedaph’s head off of their shoulder, earning a soft chuckle before he went back to braiding their hair. Silently and calmly, Python closed their eyes and began to try to focus on the good in Zedaph rather than what _might_ be bad; what _might_ not even be there. They honestly needed to get out of the habit of seeing the worst in others. It did nothing but serve to make them distrustful and hateful and they surely didn’t want to even risk becoming like the man who had abused them years ago. If they ever became like him… Well, They didn’t want to think about that possibility.

Okay… Zedaph was… kind. Also very caring. And he thought of others before himself. He’s a liar- no, **no**. Don’t think _that_ one! He’s honest, right? Okay, honest. And sweet. Has a heart of gold. Great builder- to some degree- and loves soft things. Also full of love, if his boyfriends are anything to go by. Tango and Impulse are very open about how much they adore Zedaph. Part of Python wished they had something like that.

Their heart began to ache slightly. Were they destined to be forever alone? To have their stupid mind make them unlovable? Were they even worthy of being loved or did no one want to love someone so heavily affected by something so stupid? Something that happened so long ago that it shouldn’t even mater? Zedaph accidentally tugging on their hair a bit too hard brought them back to reality just enough to look to him. “Sorry,” he sheepishly muttered.

“No, no. It’s fine!” Python reassured with a soft smile. “I… needed something to ground me, if I’m entirely honest. Was starting to get lost in my own thoughts, y’know? My mind is it’s own wonder, man.” They smiled and leaned back slightly with a soft purr. Now that- that was a sound of theirs that they liked. A part of themselves they enjoyed.

“You purr?” Zedaph chuckled slightly and finished off one of the two sets of braids. “I like that. It’s cute.” Python felt their face warm up a little. Someone else liked their purring? And thought it was cute? It felt nice to be called cute; made their stomach flutter.

They liked that feeling. They liked the compliment and decided to visit Zedaph more. He made them feel at ease and… the compliments and forgiveness were nice. Yes, they _would_ visit Zed more. They _would_ spend as much time with him as they could. For their own sake.

* * *

Three weeks had passed since Python had their outburst. They had kept to their personal word and began spending every moment they could with Zedaph, who only accepted it with minimal questioning. “Hi, Zedaph!” Python purred as the other exit his home; he paused with an awkward yet friendly smile on his face.

“Oh, uhm. Hey, Python! Back again?” Zedaph climbed down his staircase and walked to Python. “I was about to head to Tango’s and we were going to grab Impulse. All three of us were going to build a shop!”

“Can I help?” Python smiled and adjusted their hair. They had kept it in the double, almost pigtail style braid Zedaph had put it in a few weeks prior.

“Uh… Sure? Let me just ask Tango and Impulse first. It was… meant to be a project for the three of us.” Zedaph took out his communicator as some sort of… ugly feeling took root in the pit of Python’s stomach. It felt almost like something was eating away at their insides and made them physically ill.

“Are you feeling okay?” Zedaph gently set a hand on Python’s shoulder as they gripped their stomach, which now burned and churned with their vision blurring. “You don’t look like you’re feeling your best…”

“I… I don’t know…” They coughed and pushed themselves towards Zedaph, forcing him to catch them in his arms. “My stomach… feels weird.”

“I’m going to take you inside so you can rest.” He smiled, which eased Python’s stomach for some reason. It was like Zedaph giving them attention calmed the pit of fire in their stomach- doused the flame. “Come on…” He led Python into a ground level floor and let them lay on his bed. “Like my room?” It was simple yet colorful with yellow wool for the carpet and birch as the walls with some bookshelves here and there.

“It’s lovely, Zed.” Python gently gripped their friend’s hand with a purr. “Stay?”

“I’m sorry but I promised Tango and Impulse I’d go. You can rest here until I get back then, if you’re feeling better, we can hang out!” The ugly feeling came back to Python’s stomach as Zedaph left. Python could only whimper and grip their stomach tightly, praying for the feeling to go away; it didn’t. It only grew and grew until they were sure they were going to vomit.

“Why am I feeling like this?” Python asked themselves, digging their claws into their skin. They had to be sick or something! So, if they were sick, why did Zedaph leave them? What if they were going to die?! They whimpered louder before sitting up. They had to find Zedpah. Ask him why the _fuck_ he left them alone!

They wobbled their way from the room and towards Impulse’s base. If they aimed for Tango’s, they’d surely miss Zedaph and the other. As they unsteadily tried to reach the hermit’s base, they stopped and gripped a tree when their vision blurred and the feeling in their stomach grew worse. They growled.

Zedaph abandoned them! They were going to be wonderful friends with him and do all they could to make him happy and he _fucking abandoned them._ The feeling in their stomach turned from a sick feeling to one of burning. They had to find him. They had to do **something** to make him **know** that it wasn’t right to abandon a friend in need! To abandon one who would have made his life so much better!

“Python? Now, what are you doing out here?” Python looked up and only blinked at Mumbo. Why was the redstoner out here in the birch forest?

“I could be asking you the same thing…” They couldn’t help the frustration and anger that seeped into their voice. “I figured you’d be with Grian and Iskall. The ones who love you?”

“We may be dating but that surely doesn’t mean we have to spend every moment together. Spending some time apart actually does wonders for a relationship!” He chuckled softly. “Besides, I needed some birch and birch saplings. I’m going to build a wood shop!” Mumbo grinned, his mustache curling up in his delight.

“…Time apart? I thought relationships were spending a lot of time together.” That’s what they were, right? Python began to doubt everything they knew almost immediately, though they shook it off. “Are they… not?” The burning they once felt now was back to the physically ill feeling, threatening to make them puke.

“Uh… No. Relationships are dynamic and rely on everyone still being their own person while enjoying the other enough to want to spend time with them. Oh, Grian’s better at explaining this than I am. He’s been in both healthy and toxic relationships so he knows the difference.”

“Wait, what?” Python stood up erect, tilting their head. “Grian’s been in a toxic relationship before?”

“Oh, goodness. I think I’ve said too much. Grian’s pretty open about his time with Sam but… Well, it’d be best to ask him rather than me.” Mumbo sighed and took a step towards Python. “We can talk to him later. You look like you’re seconds away from losing your lunch.” What the understatement. Python felt as if they _should_ have lost the contents of their stomach hours ago.

“Zedaph left me. He left to go be with Tango and Impulse and left me alone in his damn house knowing full well I’m sick and-“ The burning feeling was back and they became aware of how loud their voice was. “HE LEFT ME TO DIE, MUMBO. HE DOESN’T CARE AND I’M ONLY A FUCKING GAME TO HIM!” Hot tears ran down their face so they wiped them away, scratching their cheek with their claws in their rage and causing blood to well up at the new cuts.

Mumbo gently grabbed Python’s hand, silently leading them somewhere. Python honestly didn’t have the energy to protest or fight back; they just kept sobbing and yelling about how Zedaph didn’t care and how they would always be used by others. Mumbo was… honestly a good friend during this time. He let Python vent and would stop to let them catch their breath or fall to the ground to cry for a few.

“He doesn’t care…” Python’s rage had faded away and replaced by sorrow. Why did the ugly feeling always turn back into the type that made them want to puke? Why could they never hold onto the burning feeling they felt was just? “…Where are you taking me?”

“Well, just out of the woods. You’re certainly in no shape to be alone so off to my base.” Despite not wanting to go, Python let themselves be dragged along by Mumbo towards civilization and away from where they truly wanted to go. They didn’t have the energy to do otherwise. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you’re not alone.”

* * *

“I’m worried about them,” Mumbo muttered. He was in another room of his work in progress base, which was a city with various ‘shops’ scattered about; they were really rooms and storage areas. Still, Python could hear him talking to Xisuma from a nearby ‘shop.’ “I found them wandering the woods and looking like they were seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out.”

Iskall sighed and shook his head. “You big spoon, we can hear you…” He looked to Python, who only continued to lay in bed and pretended to sleep. “…I might just go out there and tell him to quiet down. Python’s asleep, right?” Iskall got up and walked out, giving Python a chance to sit up and walk over to the wall, pressing their ear against it. “Sheesh, you’re loud, Mumbo. Python’s asleep but I can still hear you.”

“Sorry, Iskall. I’m just… worried. I’m sure that, if I hadn’t stopped Python, they would have hurt somebody.”

“I doubt Python would have hurt anyone,” Xisuma muttered. “They’re a kind soul and… something’s not right with them, if we’re being honest. Thank you for calling me over, Mumbo. I’m going to have a talk with Python as soon as they wake up.”

“Does that mean you’ll take watch?” Mumbo sighed. “I can do that if you want. You’re the admin and we have a few glitches-“

“I have this, Mumbo. I can multitask.” Xisuma chuckled and was heard walking towards Python’s temporary room. Python gasped and quickly climbed back into bed, laying down and pretending once more to sleep. “Python? Are you awake?”

“…Hmmm?” Python stretched, faking that they just woke up. “Am now… What do you need?”

“I just… wanted to make sure you’re okay. Mumbo told me that you haven’t been feeling well.” _Liar._ “If you need anything, I’m here.” How could they even trust Xisuma to be there when the admin lied directly to their face?

“I think I just have a bad stomach bug, Xisum-“

“Tell me what’s really wrong.” Python blinked at Xisuma when the admin gave the stern tone that he rarely ever gave. “You don’t have to tell me everything. Just what’s wrong.”

“…I’m fine, X.” Python looked away with a hiss, flexing their claws. “I will be fine. I just… I just need to see Zedaph again! He makes me feel happy and calm!” They smiled and got out of bed, going to find their friend. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be perfectly fine!”

Xisuma grabbed them by the arm and glared at them as the other squirmed about. “You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong. Just at least why you’ve been acting so strange lately.”

“…” Python debated their options. Stay and tell Xisuma why they were upset. Run away and be chased. Or… Well. Maybe they could escape if they stunned him? “Okay.” Xisuma let go of Python. Big mistake on his part, that much was for sure. They slammed their claws across his helmet hard enough to send a crack across his visor before taking off, stealing an elytra from one of Mumbo’s spare chests plus a few rockets. They shot into the sky, ignoring Mumbo’s and Iskall’s calls of protest.

The ugly, burning feeling returned to their stomach. They had to find Zedaph. He always eased their mind so maybe their stomach would return to normal too? He was all they had. He was the only one who _knew_ their pain; he was theirs and they would make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind telling me what you guys think of the story so far? I'm a bit nervous sharing this due to how personal is but... I want to know if I'm doing a good job.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of rape/non-con, panic attacks, physically threatening someone  
> Tell me if I missed any.

“Stay. Away.” Python growled loudly at Xisuma, who had managed to find them fairly quickly after being attacked. Figures, that was just Python’s luck. “I’ll… I’ll hit you again!” Xisuma only stood his ground with a stern look, his helmet still cracked and some bits of visor actually gone; he looked as if he wanted to be angry at Python but was fighting it. “Don’t test me!”

“You won’t do it.” Xisuma’s voice was stern and curt. He was already mentally done with Python’s behavior, and it showed in his stance and tone. What if he banned them? “Python, you need help. I’m getting you that help.” Python growled once more at Xisuma but shrunk back when the admin took a few steps closer to them with a slight wobble. Had he really been hurt by Python? “Whether you like it or not, I can’t let go of the fact that you attacked me, stole stuff from a member, and fled from us to go after Zedaph. I’m not saying you’re a danger to anyone but you worry me.”

“I don’t need help!” They hissed loudly and flexed their claws in preparation to strike again, forcing down the guilt that wanted to burn their throat. “I’m perfectly fine! I just need someone to make me complete!”

“Your friends make you complete, not just one. Why are so obsessed with Zedaph?!” Python backed against the glass shop nearby, hissing at the coolness of it as Xisuma stepped even closer. “What does he even mean to you in order for you to attack me?!”

“He’s my everything! He understands how I feel!” Python began looking for ways out of the situation. Some way to escape. Some way to just go back to Zedaph and claim him as their own! Anytime they made their way in one direction, Xisuma followed. Looked like the admin had had enough and was going to force Python to get help whether they felt they needed it or not. “…Don’t take him away from me.”

“I’m not. I can’t stop two hermits from interacting with each other, but I know someone who was the receiving end of what you’re starting to do. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind helping out.” Xisuma gently held out his hand. “Let’s get you a bit more calmed down and then we can see Grian.”

Python tilted their head and stared at Xisuma’s hand. “…Grian? What does he have to do with me?”

“He’s been in a toxic relationship before. In fact, he’s pretty open about it. So, we’re going to see him and talk to him about how to help stop this before it starts.” He stepped forward and smiled. “Please? Come with me, Python.”

Python glared at the admin for a few, tense moments. They could just attack him again if they wanted. Yeah, like that got them anywhere last time. They really didn’t have a choice in the going with Xisuma, that much was obvious. “I’ll come.”

“Thank you. I… didn’t want to have to use force, Python. You’ve been awfully aggressive lately.” Xisuma gently grabbed his friend’s hand and began taking them away from the shopping district. Why did this feel so familiar? Why did it feel as if, last time they had been gently led away, they had been put in danger?

Every instinct screamed at them to run. To attack Xisuma. Not et him take them… take them to… Oh, god! He was going to take them to the bedroom and it’d be their middle school experience all over again! He was going to use them! They had their innocence taken once and now they were willingly letting themselves relive every, agonizing detail.

Xisuma was a dirty, lying, manipulative- “Python, breathe. You’re having a panic attack.” Python coughed harshly and jerked away from this sack of shit! They scrambled back as soon as they hit the ground, rushing up in order to get to safety. “Python! I’m not going to hurt you!”

“Liar!” Python’s words were rough and harsh in nature. “Get the hell away from me! Just… do us all a favor and fucking die!” The hurt in Xisuma’s eyes was all Python needed to see. That… hadn’t been the first time they said that to him, wasn’t it? Oh, god. They had actually told their friend to die! “I-I’m…”

Xisuma gently pulled them close, hugging them in a very caring manner. “Python. I’m worried. You’re… Something’s not right and it hasn’t been for a while. Can you… at least tell me the basics? In private, of course.”

“Not private!” They felt Xisuma’s caring hold on them loosen. “S-sorry. Just… Bad… b-bad thoughts. Ideas. Possibilities.” Xisuma only nodded at them in understanding, helping them to the ground and letting them take their time to get comfortable. “I… I told Zedaph a secret. And… He makes me feel like he’s the only one who understands, Xisuma! He’s the only one who actually knows what I’ve been through!”

“I can know. You won’t be relying on only him and… maybe that’ll help you feel more whole? By having more able to connect to you. Now, I don’t expect you to tell me exactly what happened but-“

“I was raped.” Xisuma clearly did not expect that, choking on air suddenly and backing away from Python in some possible attempt not to freak out at the new information. “I… It’s a bit more complex than that but… I guess…. When I look more into it, that’s what happened.” They nodded, aware of how horribly they were shaking already; Xisuma’s expression was near unreadable. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have burde-“

“Shut.” Xisuma cleared his throat and nodded. “It’s not a burden to know. I’m… glad we could get to this before it got out of control. We can get you the help you need.”

“Except I don’t need h-he-he…” God, why were they crying again? Small hiccups and sobs escaped their way from Python’s throat as they gripped onto themselves. “It’s so stupid, Xisuma! It’s fucking stupid that, after all of these years, I’m just now being fucked up by it!”

“But it’s not. It’s fine that you’re affected my this. Python, someone _forced_ themselves on you. They violated you and did… unspeakable things without even thinking of consent!”

“But I did consent! He told me that I could only be loved by him and I h-had to prove my love! T-that he’d give everything up f-for me so… I had to give everything up for him o-or… he’d…”

“He’d what? Hurt you? Turn it from being manipulation into straight up rape? Python, none of this is your fault! You were the victim of a terrible situation!” Xisuma hugged Python again, rubbing their back as they sobbed loudly. “This shouldn’t have happened but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t affect you.”

“It’s been years, X-xisuma. Why am I j-just now suffering b-because of it?!” They gripped him tight enough to leave scratches on his armor, though they could have cared less at the moment.

“Trauma is… it’s tricky. It can hide away for years and then suddenly reappear. That’s just… the nature of PTSD.” Xisuma gently lifted Python’s chin to meet his gaze and smiled, nothing but sympathy in his eyes. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

“…Swear upon your life?” Python gently rest their head on Xisuma’s chest with a whimper.

“I swear upon my life.” Once again, Python’s new support had no idea what those words meant to them in their vulnerable state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter but... it's been a rough as hell week so I haven't had much time to write this. Besides, I feel almost like this couldn't have really had anything added without losing its impact. Without changing the meaning behind it.  
> Now, question. Once this is complete, if it receives good feedback and all, I might turn anon off on this. Might confess to who is really behind this story. What do you guys think of that? I know this isn't the most popular story but... I know a few like it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I was... not looking forward to this chapter. It's basically years of me abusing friends combined into a chapter. So,   
> TW: ABUSE, trying to get someone to kill themselves, physically attacking someone, manipulation, just... a mess.  
> TDLR AT END

“Feeling any better, Python?” Xisuma waved to his friend, who had just woken up and answered their door. They tilted their head before mutely nodding, waving Xisuma in. Xisuma smiled and followed a half-awake Python inside their base. He had been checking up on them daily for the past week. Python didn’t mind. It was nice to have someone else who knew what they had been through. “I brought you something to help you. Especially with the flashbacks.”

Python blinked and watched Xisuma reach into his inventory bag, taking a out a black and white kitten of all things! They gasped excitedly and grabbed the kitten, holding it close as it mewled and purred. “Figured you’d like her. I found her outside of my base shivering in the cold. I had to just… give her to you.” Xisuma chuckled before yelling when Python hugged him. “Woah! Okay, so I guess you appreciate it?” Python whimpered loudly, making Xisuma give them a worried look.

“I… I forgot about Spots!” They set the kitten down and ran to the their mines, searching. Had they really been so caught up in themselves that they had become selfish enough to neglect their mining pet? To possibly let other mobs get to him or for him to fall in lava? God, they were a damn selfish prick who only thought about how they felt! They were meant to be getting better!

They hit the fence and looked around, sighing happily upon seeing Spots bouncing towards them. He didn’t despawn. He wasn’t dead. He didn’t escape. It was fine and it would be fine. They leaned down and picked him up. “I’m sorry for forgetting you, Spot. I promise I’ll never forget my baby slime again.”

The slime only wiggled and tried to attack Python but only succeeded in getting Python’s night clothes dirty. They laughed and walked upstairs; they hoped they didn’t worry Xisuma too much. “Python?” Xisuma poked his head around the corner and gasped at the slime. “You have a pet slime? That’s cute.” He chuckled and set the kitten on Python’s shoulder, both of their pets making soft noises at the other’s presence. “What’s the little guy’s name?”

“Spots! It… was an impulse decision. But, now I have another pet and I plan to name…” They handed Xisuma the slime and checked the kitten. “Her! She looks like a… Whitney to me!” They took the slime back from Xisuma and help both of their pets close, Spots only making soft… well, whatever noises slimes made and Whitney mewling softly. “Thank you so much, X! I love her!”

“I knew you would! Take good care of her, alright? I actually wanted to check up on you real quick before I went to talk to another member so I… kind of have to go. Will you be okay by yourself?” Python nodded, though they knew otherwise. They still wanted to be with Zedaph and make sure he was only theirs. Xisuma may know what happened but Zedaph understood them. He had been the first to know.

“Ah, just go ahead. I was going to mine today so I should be fine.” They smiled to ease their friend, who only nodded and said his goodbyes before walking away. Python set their new pets down and got dressed, picking Whitney up and heading towards Zedaph’s base. They had been without him for far too long.

* * *

“Zed! I have a kitten!” The other hermit poked his head out of his base and gasped loudly at the small creature. “Come pet her!” Zedaph took no time to complete Python’s request, rushing forward and cooing over the new pet. “Xisuma gave her to me. Her name is Whitney. I want to keep her forever!”

“That’s great! Why’d he give her to you?” Python paused. They surely couldn’t tell Zedaph that he gave them Whitney to help cope with their flashbacks. Then Zedaph would know that they told someone else and he might hate them! “Uhm… Everything okay?”

“Y-yeah! Never mind why he gave her to me. I think he was just being nice! Your base has a lot of climbing, right? Why not let her run around for a while? She is a kitten and probably has a lot of energy!” they chuckled and smiled, stopping when Zedaph frowned. “Zed?”

“I… I have… some stuff I need to do.” He smiled- Python knew it was forced- before backing away. “I promise I’ll be back. For now, why don’t you get some projects done?”

“D… do you not care about me?” Ugh, that line made them want to vomit but they pushed it back down. Zedaph must not care if he was willing to leave them! "Please… Prove to me that you care about me…” Oh god, why did that sound so familiar? Why did that bring such a sinking feeling to their heart?

“…I… I do care about you! I just want some time apart, Python!” Zedaph seemed genuinely distressed over Python’s request. “We can’t spend every moment together.”

Python felt their heart shatter. Zedaph truly didn’t care. He was just… using them! And now that they were having trouble, he was tossing them aside like trash! They growled but that quickly turned into a sob. “Please don’t leave me alone. I’m scared of myself, Zed!” That wasn’t far from the truth. What would were even capable of? What they could do to themselves… to others…

“I w-won’t! I promise! As long as y-you… just be calm, okay?” Zedaph chuckled awkwardly and shuffled back. Python grabbed his wrist and gripped it tightly, making him struggle. “P-py! You’re hurting me!”

“I’m barely touching you!” They gripped tighter and growled, pulling Zedaph close. Why wasn’t he making them feel calm?! Why wasn’t he helping them through this struggle?! Why the _fuck_ was he running away?! “You don’t care! You lie and say you do but it’s all a damn **lie.** ” They grabbed Zedaph by the face and pulled him so he was level with them. “You’re a filthy, dirty, liar.” Their voice was rough and deep, reminding them of Doc when he _tried_ to be scary. But they weren’t even scary at this moment. Zedaph was just being a big baby.

“Python…?” The Brit’s voice was soft, as if he was afraid of possibly being hurt by Python. “Pl-please…” Python only threw him to the ground, growling and sobbing.

“Why would you lie to me?! Why would you lie to me and say you care?! Why why why why why why why why?!” They stomped and hissed loudly, wiping tears from their face but finding more filling their place before growing quiet. “…Why don’t you care?”

“I do! It’s j-just that Tango and I-impulse… They think y-you have an un-unhealthy dependency!” Python froze and they noticed Zedaph’s face turn to one of panic. “No no no no no no! Don’t-“

“Shut it!” Python hissed each word with such venom that it made Zedaph flinch away and sob softly. “I only want what’s best for you. For us.” They turned and began to walk away from Zedaph; they now had a mission in mind. If Tango and Impulse were going to be in the way, then they’d just have to do something about that!

They had to have done… something! Something to take away Zedaph’s ability to calm Python and keep them level headed! There was no way in hell they would let their rock be taken away and for them to fall back into depression. They wouldn’t go down as easy as they had when they were Patty.

* * *

Python munched on a golden carrot as they watched Impulse set up a sugar cane farm, muttering about how much paper he needed for Mending books. He was distracted and that was perfect for what Python needed to do. To keep him away from the one man who calmed them. “Impulse.” They stepped from behind one of the dirt pillars Impulse was using to climb up and stared up at the man, who was only a block or two above them.

“Python! What brings you here?” He smiled and jumped down, grunting at his footing slipping a little. He blinked when Python stepped closer, chuckling awkwardly. “Be careful, Python. It just rained. I wouldn’t want you to slip and fa- HEY!” Python slammed him against the glass of the farm and growled in his face. “What’s the problem?!”

“You. You’re a fucking problem!” They dug their claws deep into his shoulders, making the other squirm and struggle. “I don’t think you understand what’s going on with me and Zedaph. What we have. He even has yet to see it!” They chuckled and picked him up with strength they didn’t even know they had, holding him near the edge and threatening to make him fall at least 30 blocks below.

“C-calm down! We can talk this over!” Impulse tried his best to keep his footing as Python’s grip loosened; they could only hold him for so long.

“Here’s a decision. You leave Zedaph alone and don’t tell anyone of this or I drop you and burn this poor excuse of a base to the ground.” They loosened their grip, making Impulse scream. “Do we have a deal?”

“Yes! We have a deal! Just let me go!” Python smiled and set Impulse down, climbing down quickly and quietly. They just had to go to Tango next. It shouldn’t be that hard to break him.

* * *

It took longer to break Tango that Python anticipated. Combine that with Xisuma looking for them and it was damn near impossible to get anything done; however, it seemed that their hiding and rare appearances had its advantages. They were basically stalking him and slowly driving him mad.

After all, with how well they were hiding, they seemed more like Tango’s imagination rather than an actual being. It only took about a week for Tango to break. After a welfare check up from Impulse, Python made their move.

“Tango?” Tango jumped upon seeing them, a look of panic flashing across his face before he seemed to debate if they were real. “Is everything okay?”

“N-no. I keep thinking I’m seeing you! But whenever I look, you’re gone! Oh god, am I going insane?”

“Maybe you are?” Python shrugged. “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure if I’m real. I could be a manifestation of you losing it.” They had to hide their chuckle of delight. This worked out far better than expected. “Might want to isolate yourself for a while. Maybe end it all? Heaven knows you’ll be doing us all a favor!”

God, why did they keep feeling sick?! It was like when they wanted Zedaph to themselves, something screamed at them to stop. To not go too far. But, this? Oh, this was waaaay too far and Python knew trying to get a hermit to end it all was a bannable offense. They had to tread lightly.

“…I’m not sure. Zedaph and Impulse would miss me-“

“They don’t care! Zed’s been avoiding you for a week and Impulse hardly talks to you! Face it. You’re old news. I mean, they know you’re going crazy. They must know.” They shrugged and began walking away. “Just something to think over.”

Python climbed down and hid from view quickly, hearing Tango mutter to himself about how he was seeing things again. They waited until he was gone before turning to walk away. They were met with TFC’s white glare and that alone made them scream. “What are you doing here?!”

“You need to stop.” He grabbed Python and began dragging them away. “We’re taking you to Xisuma and you’re going to stop this right away.”

“And why does it matter to you?!” Python hissed and tried to jerk away but TFC’s grip was strong.

“I’ll be honest. Xisuma asked me to keep an eye on you. To make sure you didn’t cause too much trouble. But, this is too far. Too much. I’ve been watching and trying to nudge you in the right direction but you refuse to take it. You ignore it. Or don’t even notice it. I don’t know which nor do I care.”

Python struggled as much as they could before hissing and sinking their teeth into TFC’s arm. One thing about their species was they had venom that slowly paralyzed their prey; they realized what they had done and let go, TFC dropping them and gripping his arm. Oh god, they just doomed TFC to starve to death while being unable to move!

“Heheh…” TFC’s laugh was almost wheezy but he stood up straight, stretching and rubbing where Python bit him. “Haven’t have one of your kind bite me since update 1.2… Lucky for you, most mob venoms don’t hurt me.” TFC grabbed Python and began dragging them along again, Python just letting themselves be taken in their shock. What the hell was TFC even?!

When they managed to shake it off, anxiety took its rightful pace. God, they had really fucked up, hadn’t they? They were sure to be banned now. They were sure to be left all alone and doomed to be without anyone for the rest of their life.

No. If they couldn’t have Zedaph, then fuck everyone else. They took their free claws and struck TFC across his face, blood blinding him and making him let go. Python took this chance to run and go back to Zedaph’s base. With Impulse and Tango out of the picture, Python could finally have Zedaph focus on helping them- fixing their problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLDR: Xisuma tries to help Python but Python does not take it well and obsesses over Zedaph more before trying to kill Impulse and trying to convince Tango to end it all. TFC catches them and tries to get them to stop. It's not sucessful


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abuse, self harm, suicide, death, murder

“Stop!” Zedaph scrambled into a corner and as far away from Python as possible, fear making his body tense and tears to form in his wide eyes. Python only growled in response, every instinct of theirs screaming at them to treat Zedaph like prey. After all, weren’t lizards predators? They struck out again, claws raking across Zedaph’s chin and dangerously close to his neck. The hermit sobbed softly as he winced from the various wounds he had.

“You think you can just play games with my heart, Zedaph?!” Python struck again, hitting Zedaph’s left eye and damaging it. “Think you can just leave me to bled out from the sheer amount of _pain_ you’ve put me through!?” Python laughed, ignoring the terrible feeling they got from acting like this. They didn’t care anymore.

“Python, I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way! Just stop! I’m begging of you!” Zedaph went to stand but Python stuck him again, damaging his other eye. “Stop!!! You’re hurting me!”

“Good.” Python growled loudly and grabbed their friend by their throat, pinning them down. “Maybe then you can feel a fraction of the pain you’ve caused me!” Their grip tightened as Zedaph struggled with flailing motions, kicking Python in the stomach and chest. That didn’t do much of anything other than earn another strike across Zedaph’s face.

“Python! Let him go!” Python jerked their head up to see Xisuma rushing towards them, the admin stopping upon seeing the mess Python was, hair sticking up everywhere, bags under their eyes, dirty clothes, and various blood splatters across their thin frame. “Python. Now. If you let him go now, we’ll get you help. We’ll see if we can work around a ban. That’s the last thing I want to do.” He kept his voice stern, though Python could hear it wavering.

“And what?! Go back to my dark place?! He knows what I’ve been through!” Python let loose their grip on Zedaph and threw him against a tree, turning their attention to Xisuma. “How dare you try to get in the way of the one man I truly love?!” They gave Zedaph one last kick before stalking towards Xisuma.

“Don’t.” Xisuma backed away as TFC joined him. “Python, rethink what you’re about to do.”

TFC stood in front of Xisuma protectively with a hard glare. “We all want you to stop, kid.” He took a step towards Python but Python lunged, biting TFC by the neck and jerking him around until he went limp. Python dropped him.

“Don’t worry about TFC,” Python darkly chuckled out. “He’ll respawn sooner or later. As for you…” They opened their mouth to show the venom on their fangs. “You and Zedaph will _suffer._ ” They rushed towards Xisuma but saw a console come up before the admin. No, no no no no no!

**> PythonGB was banned.**

Python blinked at the void. They searched around until they found a world, rushing towards it in hopes that the ban was a mistake. That Xisuma was allowing them back and giving them another chance to be with Zedaph!

Instead, they found a new world. One untouched by any player and a clean slate for whoever resided her to work with- realization finally sunk in. This was their prison. They had been sent here because they had been banned by the man who was trying to help them and that fact alone made hot tears run down their face. They were truly alone now and maybe that was what they deserved.

\---

**> PythonGB hit the ground too hard**

Python gasped and sat up in bed, groaning at the phantom pain associated with death. They should be used to it by now but even three years does nothing to get you to cope with the constant respawning. They climbed from bed and began walking to where they had fallen.

In the three years since they had been banned, they had done many, many things. First, they tried to find a way back to Hermitcraft. Second, they had a breakdown and vowed to take the server out. Third, they figured they were better off dead but respawn prevented that so it was a relapse using flint and steel as their blade. Then, after two and a half years of sheer agony, denial, and hate, they came to terms with what they had done.

They had become abusive. Just like the man who had made them do such dirty things years ago, they had become manipulative and downright abusive. In their mind, they figured that, as long as they weren’t sexually abusing someone, they would be fine. It would all be in the name of love.

Yeah, that worked out _really fucking well_ , huh?

As they made their way to their death point, they spotted someone grabbing their stuff. This was a single player world, right? Who could be here? They slowly approached the intruder but he turned and looked at them with white eyes. “Hey, kid. Noticed you fell from a cliff. Trying to hit the water?”

“Wh… what are you doing here, TFC?” Python took their stuff from the elder, head already swimming from confusion; there was no reasonable way TFC could be here. Maybe they were still dreaming? It would make the most sense.

“Xisuma asked me to keep an eye on you. I’ve been watching you for a while now, but I figured it was time to make my presence known.” TFC chuckled and Python couldn’t help but to notice the scars across his face- they caused those- and winced slightly. “He thinks you’re ready to come back, but only if you get help.”

“…I don’t want help, TFC.” They didn’t need it. Hell, they had been doing fine on their own for three years! What made TFC think they needed help?! …Okay, but, then again, they still wanted Zedpah. Not in a romantic sense but in a closure sense. They wanted to at least apologize for the fucked up shit they did.

“Yes, but you need it.” TFC dusted his dirty clothes off. “Either stay here and be alone or come back and get help. Your choice because I have other stuff to do and I can’t keep an eye on you forever.” That made guilt want to consume Python. They had hurt so many and they were still denying the help that would allow them to no longer be alone with their own, dark thoughts.

“…If I come back… would Zedaph and… the others forgive me?” They gripped themselves with a heavy sigh. “Did I do too much damage?” TFC only shook his head and stepped towards Python.

“You’ll have to talk to them about it, though Xisuma did take their opinions in consideration when he thought about unbanning you. Now, you coming kid?”

Python blinked, thinking about everything they did. Every messed up, sinful, abusive thing they did. …They needed closure. “Yes. Let’s go.” TFC smiled and took their hand as he led them back to Hermitcraft.

* * *

Python gripped TFC’s hand tightly; while they weren’t close with the elder hermit, it was some form of comfort for them. They waited at spawn with the other. The world had changed so much in those three years. Apparently, they were at the start of Season 9 and Xisuma felt that bringing Python back might get other hyped for the season.

Python looked around the mega taiga biome before hearing rockets fire off. Xisuma dived between the trees, landing gracefully and taking a few steps towards the once banned hermit. His helmet clearly had been repaired using some iron and glass, making Python wince. They had done that to him.

“Good morning, Python. I trust you are doing well?” He put his hands behind his back, fiddling slightly with his elytra. Python shuffled in place silently. “TFC has been updating me on you. Now, I want to lay out some ground rules before I officially welcome you back. Okay?”

“…Yes, sir.”

“One. You _will_ get therapy from Joe. He offered to help in any way he could so he’s been tasked with helping you with the trauma you clearly have from… well, what happened years ago. Second.” Xisuma’s gaze was stern but also held caring. “You need to report to me weekly so I can monitor your progress. And, third, be careful around Zedaph. He’s not too excited about you coming back but he thinks it might be at least an okay idea. Deal?”

“Deal.” They really didn’t _want_ the help nor did they want to report to Xisuma so often, but it would be fine. As long as they got closure with Zedaph, it would be fine. “…Can Zedaph come here? I want to… Well, say I’m sorry.” They knew it was taking a risk to ask but it was worth a shot.

“…I’ll see if he wants to come.” Xisuma turned and took off again, leaving Python with TFC. This had to work. They prayed and hoped it did.

* * *

“Python?” Zedaph landed beside Xisuma, pausing upon seeing the lizard hermit curled up on the ground bathing in the sunlight. It was too cold for them to want to stay awake but they had to at least talk to Zedaph. They jumped up, startling a sleeping TFC awake, and whimpered. “Hey. Did I wake you up?”

Zedaph had scarring around both of his eyes and one even was slightly clouded over. Respawn fixed most issues but sometimes it could only do so much when it came to wounds turning to scars. “…I’m sorry. I’m sorry for just- for being such a shit person!” They found themselves crying for the first time in two years. It felt… oddly amazing. “I abused you and manipulated your friends and clung to delusions of something that wasn’t even there! I understand if you never want to forgive me- I mean, I’m such a horrible person- but I had to get closure!” They sobbed loudly into their hands before feeling someone hug them.

“I forgive you.” Zedaph smiled at Python with nothing but caring and forgiveness. “People tell me not to forgive abusers but… I think you’re different. You were in a cycle of abuse and it may have taken a ban to break the cycle but I’m proud of you for doing so.”

Python sobbed louder and gripped Zedaph close, crying into his shoulder. “I don’t deserve this! I don’t deserve your forgiveness! I don’t even deserve for you to be in the same world as me!”

“You deserved so much better than what you got. You deserved better than what you felt you had to do. But, I think that’s all in the past. I’m forgiving you because… Well, I just am.” He smiled and broke the hug. “Python, it’ll take some time for me to trust you completely and, if I’m honest, I’m still kind of scared of what you might do. But…” Zedaph sighed happily. “I think you’ll be fine.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much, Zedaph.” For the first time in years, Python felt truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really over, huh? I uh... Well, I did a lot when I was young and working through trauma. I never killed anyone but I did become emotionally, physically, and mentally abusive. As for why Zedaph forgave Python so easily, he sort of represented my friend- the one who had been the main victim of my abuse. Everyone represented something in this story and I'm just... well, I'm glad I wrote this. It was eye opening and I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for reading.


End file.
